Monday I took Nicole for kindergarten registration. We arrived at the school and the second I set foot on the school sidewalk my stomach started doing flips and flops, my hand clenched tight around Nicole’s. I tried to force myself to smile. I told myself “You’ve done this before with Kassie and you’ll do it again with Emily, so you might as well suck it up and deal with it.” I thought telling myself that it’ll be alright would’ve put my mind at ease just a bit and it did. I was distracted enough in my mind about distracting myself from it, that I actually tripped going up the stairs leading into the school.
The whole registration anxiety was out of my mind for a couple of minutes while I composed myself from the fall and embarrassment of whether anyone saw it happen.
So we go in and have a seat and wait for the Principal to see us. I could tell Nicole was nervous. She wanted to sit on my lap and refused to get off. It was our turn and we had a seat at his desk. He explained to us what was going to happen that day. While I was talking to the teacher, counselor and nurse, they’d come and get her Speech and Hearing. I was fine while he told us those things, but it was until someone came and got Nicole for her Speech that the anxiety was settling in again. I watched my daughter walk down a huge hallway that just seemed to swallow her up.
I went to meet the teacher, nurse and counselor and I was reassured that Nicole would be there when I got to that room. I get to the room and I’m scoping out the room for Nicole and I don’t see her. Great….my anxiety settled while the Principal distracted me with paperwork and now it is rising again.
I sit back and talk with the nurse and then I have a seat in the little chairs against the wall while I wait for the counselor. Finally I hear this little voice talking about chipmunks and I knew right away that my baby was found. The Speech lady brought her back and I sit there and swallow my heart that was slowly creeping it’s way out.
Next Nicole is evaluated by a teacher on what she knows. I sit across the room and can hear her recite her ABC’s and she messes up around L. I just want to yell over and say “She knows all of them,” but I don’t. I come to the realization that I had children and I want to see them grow into happy, healthy, strong individuals and I need to let her do this on her own. I sat there contemplating my thoughts and emotions that I was going through that day. She is growing up and I need to be ok with it.
We left the building together hand in hand down the long sidewalk to the van. She seemed fine with all of it. As she climbed into the van the only worries she had were if her scratch and sniff stickers matched her dress and what backpack can she get.
I got into my seat and left out a big sigh of relief and thought “Two registrations down. One to more go.”